Something That Isn't There

I often have something to say that is very difficult for me to describe, but I do my best to say it anyway. Maybe somebody will understand, or maybe I’ll be able to return to it in the future and say it better, but at least the idea is out there. This is one of those times.

For a couple months, I entertained the thought of buying a new car, to replace my ’98 Honda Accord. I surfed through web sites, read magazine articles, had very glossy, fresh-smelling brochures mailed to me. I thought about the color of the new car, how I can integrate my iPod into the new car’s stereo system, what optional features I would buy, what the monthly payments would be, and how my life would be better with a new car.

All of the above questions were answered with very definite answers, except for one: how my life would be better with a new car.

The truth is, I have no idea how my life would be better with a new car. My current car drives great, has a new transmission, the paint job is fine, and it still gets great mileage. I know where all the controls are, the interior is still amazingly clean for its age, and the driver’s seat has my ass print perfectly shaped to it already.

So why was I thinking about getting a new car?

My answer: I have absolutely no idea. It must have been a passing phase, because I don’t feel the need to get a new car anymore.

And so I must ask myself this question: Was I reaching for something that wasn’t there? Was I deluding myself into thinking that a new car would improve me?

The answer is Probably. I probably thought that whatever was missing from my life would be filled if I got a new car. Maybe I had some life questions that I thought a new car would answer.

Now here’s the kicker, and those who know me know this already. I am quite happy with my life. Maybe that’s why I never wound up getting the new car, because I couldn’t really answer that last question (how my life would be better…)

If I had money falling out of my pockets, and I’d already given a ton of money to charity as well as paid all my bills, I would probably, most definitely get a new car. But I’m not there yet, and I’m okay with that.

Don’t get me wrong, a new car still is cool. It was fun test driving new cars, walking through the new car dealerships, and looking through the new car brochures. It was nice daydreaming. The nicest part about daydreaming is it doesn’t cost any money. After a couple months, I guess I got it out of my system, and I don’t think about it much anymore.

After this experience, I’ve adjusted the way I approach new purchases. I force myself to ask, How will this make my life better? How will this buy me something that isn’t there?