Selling Freedom

Whenever a little doubt enters my mind about what I’m doing in life, my direction, somebody says something that brings me back to my path.

Bill Cosby was just on David Letterman’s show. Cosby talked about his mother, now deceased, who, even at the height of his career, kept telling him “Get out now!” She was talking about his decision to be an actor. In her will, she left her son $48,000 so he’ll have “something to fall back on.” Bill Cosby then continued to tell Dave not to worry about his son Harry, that Harry will be all right even if Dave, one day, dies. Cosby promised Dave that, if he dies, Cosby and a few of his friends, including Denzel Washington, will look after Harry.

Then Cosby quoted Phil Woods, saying “Death is the last thing on my mind.”

For some reason, what Bill Cosby said made me feel good. Bill Cosby, who I’d always thought was conservative because his comedy never included profanity, said something unconservative. He talked about living. He talked about not being afraid. He talked about not worrying about “something to fall back on.”

I would like to think that I live in fear sometimes, because fear keeps me away from harm, or so I’ve heard.

But doubt, DOUBT, is something else. If given a choice, I think I’d rather have fear in my heart, than doubt. Doubt is the gray area between stop and go, between here and there. Doubt is the permanent hesitation before a jump. I’d rather go back inside the plane, tell everyone I’m afraid, get back to land, and try something else. At least I fessed up to it. At least I’m not stuck almost jumping.

Bill Cosby is a good salesman. He’s made a good living at it, selling a sitcom, pudding, jazz festivals. Tonight he sold me a couple of commercials and a little bit of freedom.