Preemptive Thanksgiving

Dear God,

Thank You for making me lucky. I will give You all the credit if You don’t mind me keeping most of the benefits.

Thank You for giving me enough daily activities so that I don’t have time to think too much about those who don’t have as much as I do. Thank You for giving me strength, fortitude, and a sense of righteousness and morality, things that others may not have, which is why they are in the position that they are in, and I am where I am.

Thank You for making me think that I am able to know how others are feeling, so that I may help them by making myself be an example of a good, humble life.

Thank You for protecting me and those I love. I know You don’t have time for everybody, so thank You for focusing Your protection accordingly.

Thank You for balancing my addictions and reinforcing them with advertising.

Thank You for allowing me to confess my sins, and for allowing anyone to file a Chapter 11 bankruptcy. We all need a fresh start from time to time.

Thank You for your Golden Rule, “Treat others as you would have them treat you,” and for allowing me to bend this rule a little bit at work. I know You don’t really want me to follow it 100%, because that would be socialist.

Thank You for this great turkey I’m about to eat, and for preserving the food chain as it should be.

Thank You for the results of the last election. No, really, I actually mean it on this one.