How to Skin A Bear

The bear is a straightforward creature, with singular intentions. It wakes up in the morning, knows that it needs to eat, and goes about looking for food. It is a strong animal that can destroy anything in its path, and isn’t reluctant to do so.

Approaching a bear in physical combat, even while holding a knife, is a losing battle, since in sheer strength and brute force it cannot be overcome. The best choice would be never to come into contact with a bear. But if you find yourself face-to-face with a bear, here are some tips for survival:

Wear clothes that do not look or smell like you are bear food. Do not act as if you are bear food. Do not even pretend as if you may or may not be bear food. Do not give the bear any hints. Bears will only eat what they think is food, and will, for the most part, leave you alone if you let them know that you are not.

Speak calmly and intelligently. The bear will wonder why you are not shouting at it or screaming in terror, as is customary when confronting a bear, and this will confuse the bear. Do not panic or be desperate. Bears can smell desperation and it arouses them.

If you have the chance, take the bear out of the forest. Lure the bear out of his environment and into a different landscape, where the bear must adapt and think for himself in terms of what to do next. Go where there are other animals besides bears. Go where there is an infinite sky ruled by eagles, or precarious hillsides ruled by antelope, or an open desert ruled by snakes. Because the bear is so set in his ways and his comfortable environment, it will take him a very long time to adjust to the new surroundings. In some instances, the bear will even hide under a rock, or simply run back into his forest.

If the bear is still following you, it will probably not be as confident as it once was. This would be the time to take out a book and read to the bear. Books do not smell like food and have no place in a bear’s existence. The bear will wonder why you are carrying a book instead of a knife to skin it. Because the bear has never encountered this moment, it will not know what to do next. In many cases, the bear will simply lay down to rest, and wait for something new to happen.

At this point, you must make a decision whether to continue reading to the bear, or take out the knife that you have hidden, and skin it.