Donut Evolution: How to Hypnotize a Nation in Six Easy Steps

This is all theory. Everything that is said here comes from a limited mind, living in a limited land, disseminating limited information. The limitations are limitless.

I got an idea. It’ll take a little bit of time, a little bit of money, and some maneuvering. But I’m betting my life that it works. In fact, I’m betting my soul on it. Others have already, and it seems to have worked.

Step 1: Food

Food is survival, so it’ll be easy to get away with abusing this. Give a nation more food than they know what to do with. Don’t tell them that others are starving, don’t even hint at it, because this will make them feel guilty and think about it, and that’s not good. Feed them donuts, hamburgers, soda, and for that matter, any high-calorie food that induces extended levels of food coma. Double the portions of food in restaurants and tell them that they’re getting more for their money.

Start early by putting this food in schools. While you’re at it, give them a ton of salty food, so they’re always thirsty and need to buy expensive bottles of water to quench this new thirst. To keep it cheap, you’ll have to modify the way food grows, so use hormones to artificially fatten up chickens and pigs and cows, make fruits and vegetables much bigger than what they used to be.

If they eat enough, for long enough, you can stretch the duration of food coma to last approximately 5 hours, long enough to last before their next meal. Once you do that, they’ll always be in a coma. If this doesn’t work, give them alcohol. It’s just like drinking water, but more fun.

Step 2: Noise

Hearing is the toughest sense to block, which means it’s the easiest to use for your own purpose, so go for that next. Bombard them with elevated levels of ambient sound, such as loud music, traffic, gossip, and annoying cell phone ring tones. The louder it is, the more confused they get. The absence of silence means the absence of individual thought. Speaking of which, don’t give them anything complicated to listen to, like classical music, or intelligent conversation, or words that have more than two syllables.

So they don’t doubt their ability to appreciate “good” music, make all of the music mediocre, call that good music, then give out awards that support this. Awards are good. They validate existence.

Step 3a: Worship

Create a new set of substandard heroes for them to worship, imitate and copy. These new heroes will promote a new lifestyle of overconsumption, abuse, shallow thinking and shortsightedness.

The heroes will need to match a certain template of what the new perfection should be, so they will need an army of stylists, plastic surgeons, publicists, and media pushers to promote their lifestyle. Because of this intense image restructuring, each hero will have a popularity lifespan of about 5 years, after which a new hero will need to be manufactured. Because 5 years is not enough time for each hero to gain insight and knowledge, a team of older, seasoned writers and humanists will script each hero’s daily words, opinions, and thoughts, all structured to meet the goal of the new hypnotism. Heroes will range in ages 18-25 since studies show that perfection only exists during this time.

Step 3b: Worship Paraphernalia

If one cannot be a hero, at least one can live like a hero. Make available to the public the same clothes, music, cars and other items that the heroes are using. Create a credit system that will allow consumers to buy these products immediately. To ensure constant consumption, promote items that provide immediate gratification, but have no long-term value. Make these products disposable and replaceable, to mimic the new, disposable and replaceable heroes.

Step 4: Busy

A busy person usually means a productive, hard-working, individual with lots of interests and hobbies. Since this new hypnotized society will neither be productive, hard-working, nor have interests or hobbies, it is necessary to create a false sense of “busy”, so that they will at least feel as if they’re worth something. Encourage buying gadgets such as cell phones, beepers, and personal organizers, so that they will never have those awkward moments of not knowing what to think about next.

So that they will have something to do at a bookstore, offer coffee. Don’t give them enough time to evaluate their lives. Fill every waking second with an activity so there’s no time to ask, “am I doing what’s right?” If there’s no time to think, there’s no time to think about what’s happening to them.

Step 5: Fear

Fear causes predictable reaction. If you really want to make them do something, make them afraid of something. If there’s nothing to be afraid of, create it. Create only one fear at a time. Because of the post-food coma, noise, and their busy schedules, they won’t have the capacity to fear more than one major thing at a time. Here’s an example list of fears:

a. Crime
It’s automatic, so start there. Start each daily news broadcast with the worst crime in the area, regardless of the actual danger or whether the criminal has already been caught. Reiterate sensational crimes that happened in the near past through flashbacks, anniversary segments, and if possible, a television docudrama. Thirty percent of every local newscast should be about crime.

b. Health
Promote cheap but unhealthy food, then introduce medicines and supplements, then warn about side effects, then introduce healthier but more expensive food. Adjust each variable so the cycle never ends.

c. Status and Assimilation
Regardless of each person’s material, social and psychological wealth, promote an atmosphere of “never enough” by creating an unreachable standard. Since there is no true standard for every person, create a cyclical, temporary, ideal image through the manufacturing of heroes (Step 3a), worship paraphernalia (Step 3b), and advertising that focuses on human frailties such as vanity, envy, and the need for acceptance.

d. Loneliness
Once paranoia sets in from so much fear, people will tend to want to isolate themselves from the outside world. The problem with being alone for an extended amount of time is that there’s a chance of reflection, independent thought, and unpredictable action that might jeopardize the new hypnotism. Tell them that being alone is wrong, and they’ll need medicine to counteract these feelings. Then inform them of the medicine’s side effects, and introduce additional medicine to counteract these side effects.

e. Aging
After the manufacturing and popular acceptance of substandard but youthful heroes becomes successful, the process of aging will be unacceptable, and a new need for products that prevent aging will emerge. Since the concepts of wisdom, experience, perseverence, and sacrifice are more commonly linked to the elderly, these will all diminish.

Step 6: Transmit Message

Promote the new hypnotism through the most popular methods, including television shows, magazines, news programs, movies, and music. Create environments that encourage the new hypnotism, such as shopping malls, amusement parks, restaurants, stadiums, nightclubs, bars, and planned housing communities.

After all six steps have been implemented, members of the new hypnotized nation will be predictable, fearful, easily influenced, and willing to do anything to be accepted into this new society. They will follow trends and purchase socially acceptable cars, clothing, furniture, homes, and toothpaste. Although they will have absolutely no will of their own, their lives will be socially engineered to perfection. In time, this new, perfect, hypnotized nation, will become a role model for other nations to follow.

And if none of the above works, try War.