What I Bought, What My Ego Bought

Let’s face it, folks—if it weren’t for our egos, we wouldn’t be buying a lot of the crap that we buy. If America was a buddhist nation, our economy would be in serious trouble. But thank God that our God is a red-blooded, SUV driving, big-screen watching, hot dog eating consumer with a fragile credit card chomping ego!

And instead of trying to hide our collective ego by pretending that we’d rather donate to charity than blow the money on one hand of Texas Hold-Em poker, I say celebrate it! Hypocrisy shmypocrisy—humility is for sissies and developing countries. I’ll go first:

My Car

What I bought:
A Honda Accord V6. A nice dependable car with good resale value.

What my ego bought:
“V6” means that I can break the speed limit two seconds faster than losers who drive LX and DX models. “V6” means that I can afford leather upholstery, put premium unleaded gas in my tank, and go to the pump more times during one week than peons who drive 4-cylinder, namby-pamby models. That I can keep the HEPA-filtered air conditioner running even when it’s 60 degrees outside, because the inside air is always better than outside air, especially when I’m driving through those unfiltered, moderate-income neighborhoods, the ones that can’t afford to hang Winnie-the-Pooh banners on their front porch to show that they have family values.