Independence Day
Today I celebrate my mind.
My mind used to think and act to please everyone else, frantically panting to the rhythm of everyone else’s approval. Now it stays mostly quiet, constantly evaluating the rightness and health of each incoming moment, listening to none but its own inner voice.
My mind used to be anxious and nervous about my place in the stratified existence of wage-earners. It used to worry about the proper watch, the matching suit, the shade of brown to match the belt and shoes. Whether each tie was printed or woven, or if the trouser cuffs broke enough to hide the socks, except when walking. It used to discern the size of the letters of each initial, each logo, on each piece of garment, so that prestige showed, but not too large or too blatant, but still showed. Now my mind only worries about whether the clothes are comfortable enough so that blood and oxygen flow everywhere, so that I can approach the next second in the best state of mind.
My mind used to know everything about cars (the steeds that each knight rode), gadgets (weapons of the knight), and the proper protocol to maximize the dollar amount from a potential transaction (the knight’s estate). I used to think that I was a knight; I am infinitely happier being a shoemaker.
My mind used to medicate itself through addictions. Because it did not know how to escape stress, or tailor its life to minimize stress, it tried to numb itself through food and noise and videogames and the acquisition of material diversions. Because it was afraid to be alone, it befriended others by acquiring their addictions. Because it didn’t yet know how to speak in its own voice, it tried to speak the language of an addicted society, by owning large quantities of “collectibles”.
My mind used to identify with heroes, saints, rock stars, martyrs, and of course, knights. It used to delude itself into thinking it was James Bond, or Spider-Man, or even Billy Joel. It used to buy artifacts that it thought would bring it closer to the reality of the image. It has since realized that there’s a reason that most heroes, saints, rock stars, martyrs, and knights don’t really laugh that much. Their image takes precedence over laughter.
My mind used to seek perfection, trying to control everything and everyone it touches. It has since become tired. Now it seeks to let go, or at least bend, adapt and accept each imperfection, acknowledging the fact that nothing is promised, people are prone to their inherently chemical predispositions, and whim is a much more common thing than people will admit to. My mind has since redefined God, has inserted God into every nondenominational molecule in the universe, and is a much stronger believer because of this.
What usually happens at a party or a family gathering, someone will come up to me with a checklist of what I should be doing, where I should be in life. They will inevitably question, process, and disseminate my plans, actions, and intentions according to their own checklist. I used to cringe during these moments. Now I welcome them, because I have my own checklist that I present. It has one question:
“Do you have peace of mind?”
Today, I celebrate my Independence Day.
My mind is free. I am free.