You Want Cheese With That Whine?

“How canst thou sayest that thou art out of breath when thou hast enough breath to say that thou art out of breath?”
–William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

It used to be, whenever I couldn’t get done what I wanted to do, I did these, in order:

1. Get angry.

2. Blame someone or something for it not happening.

3. Figure out a reason why I couldn’t get it done, so if someone asks, I will have a comeback answer.

Over time, I got really good at coming up with reasons not to get things done. When business was bad, I blamed it on the economy. When someone pointed out one of my weird mannerisms, I blamed it on my upbringing. When something in my world frustrated me, it was society’s fault.

I got so good at making excuses that I spent more time on excuses than figuring out solutions. And I got damn good at whining.

Then one day, right around the end of last year, I simply got sick of my own excuses. I then tried a little experiment: whenever someone began to blame me for something, I simply said, “You know what, my fault. Let me figure out how to fix it.”

Since I had no more excuses and didn’t allow myself to pass the blame somewhere else, I was forced to come up with solutions. I was forced to work out every problem until it was fixed. I didn’t have the option of escape or procrastination. I went to bed exhausted every night, because I didn’t want to leave the day unfinished.

But every night I slept well, because I knew I had accomplished something.

Soon things started to change. Business picked up, and kept picking up. I felt better about myself because I literally had no time to feel bad about myself (this sounds silly but it works). My world changed, from surrounding myself with excuses to surrounding myself with solutions.

Something else happened. I didn’t have time for anger anymore.

Someone once told me that when I’m angry at someone, it’s because I recognize something negative in that person that is also in me. If I’m angry at a procrastinator, it’s because I’m frustrated at my own procrastination.

Another reason that I could be angry at someone is because they have something that I want but can’t have. Envy is not a good thing. If I get rid of envy, I also get rid of a good chunk of anger.

A third reason for anger is wanting to control the world, or the people in it, and the world and the people in it don’t want to cooperate. If I just let others do what they want to do, and focus on myself, what I need to do to make myself better, I’ll be less angry.

If I concentrate on what makes me happy, instead of trying to please someone else, I’ll be less angry. If I concentrate on my own tasks instead of always looking over my shoulder to see what others are up to, I’ll be less frustrated. If I live the life that I want to live, and own up to my mistakes, and fix them with my own hands, I will be in a good way.

It’s amazing how everybody already knows everything that I just said, and yet…